I am righting this because I can't lay in bed and cry about it any longer. I want all who read my blog to know how insecure it make's me that you read my blog. One of my biggest weaknesses in life is my poor spelling and grammar. I recently had someone tell me that you can use spell check when blogging. Well I really wanted to just wanted to be done with the conversation, then I wanted to yell at them. " Of corse I know I can spell check. Don't you know I have to use spell check and the dictionary ALL THE TIME." Even with these helps I still manage to have errors. You would think that thoughts two things would make you pretty much idiot proof! I guess not. My weakness in this area hold's me back from doing a lot of things. I think my insecurity with my ability to learn has always been with me. Maybe it is just something I am meant to struggle with and try to over come. Fine, I can accept that, but I really hate feeling this kind of pain, this pain that has been with me forever, and thinking of my kids probably having to feel this. I know so many people who struggle with things that seem far more important and that make's me feel ashamed of my own feelings. So I can't spell, no big deal right? It's a big deal for me. It affects me every day. I know it is inevitable that we are all going to feel pain in our lives.
Is this a cry for help, I think NOT. Only venting and hopefully some understanding. If you have an invite to my blog, my journal, or this is one of my children all grown up and reading this. It is because I feel loved by you. Thank you for loving me despite my weaknesses.
I have done many hours of different learning programs through my childhood and as an adult. I spent way more time on homework than any of my friends just to pull C's. I feel that my hard work showed nothing. I am not giving up yet. I want to be there for my kids. I can't help them if I don't know how. This is very difficult for me. I don't want to have to put the homework help on Matt because I can't help them. I am still learning, trying and after my tears and this vent session I am ready to get back on the horse. I want my Kids to know that you never give up. No matter how much you want to run from you problems, struggles, your pains. No matter how insignificant they may seem.
I must be just as dumb because I read your blog and have never thought you have miss spelled something...if only we were all as smart as whoever said that...I suck at spelling and pronouncing words but oh well maybe it gives someone a laugh...we are different because I probably would have been mean back... Hahah love u your a great person..erin
ReplyDeleteYou are amazing. And I love you.
ReplyDeleteOh Nicole. What a tender post. I know you have struggled with spelling and writing and learning your whole life and that it has been a serious trial for you. If people judge you by the way your write your blog, then I think they're either too quick to judge or too shallow to be worthy of your friendship. Interesting that spelling and writing and learning are not a trial for me at all but managing my weight and feeling ugly and fat and out of control with food is a huge trial for me and something that plagues me daily. We're all different aren't we! I sure love you!
ReplyDeleteNicole you are amazing! There are so many things that I see you do on a daily basis that I wish I could do. I know there is a reason that you are my sweet neighbor & the best role model for Mace because she struggles with some of the same things & I KNOW she wants to grow up to be JUST LIKE YOU someday! Each day I think I want to be more like Nicole too :) Love, M
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