Some times I really wish my mind would just be calm for a moment. I think about five different things at once! It gets kinda tiering and it make's it hard to fall asleep. My eyes are burning and my body aching to go to sleep but I am going to try wright out my thoughts for a while to see if it will help me fall asleep faster. Seven months ago my aunt Lona was killed in a bicycle accident and a few weeks later my Mother in-law diagnosed with a terminal lung cancer. For the past seven months I have had the opportunity to exercise my faith and also do a lot of thinking about life. What do I think about this life of mine. Well for starters life is way to short. It kinda makes me nervous to not know when this life of mine will be over. Second of all life is really fragile. Of course I knows this but do I take the time every day to relish in the small and simple moments that can bring so much joy. I thought my kids were growing up fast but now time feels like it is moving at light speed. All I can think about is wanting to be a better wife and mother. I have loved my business Leila Birds Nest. It has brought me a lot of fulfillment. This week I have been preparing for an up coming boutique. Today I missed harvesting the pumpkins with my kids because I was crafting. Now, I love to craft and I need some time to myself every now and then, but today I felt bad. I felt like I missed out on a memory I should have had with my family. I don't really know what I want to do. It is hard for me to think of giving up Leila Birds Nest. Now that I have rattled on about my new look on life, I have a new look physically as well. Oh yah, I colored my hair darker. Oh and my Jaw is HUGE!! It has been five days since I had surgery on my lower jaw. I never had an adult tooth and the post I had put in the tooth next to the missing one went bad so the dentist pulled the bad tooth. He then did a bone graft. I had to go back in for a second time to have another bone graft done to build up my jaw where the missing tooth was. This ended up being just as intense as the infection and tooth extraction. This has been an emotionally trying thing for me. I worry that more will go wrong, that my jaw will look un even for ever. It make's me feel over weight, now that is never a fun feeling. What if the graft get's infected? Will they put me on more antibiotics, will my body have more side affects from that..... the worry just go's on. I am working really hard to not let this get to me to much. When this is all done I will have the same thing done to my front tooth. Just typing that out makes my tummy jump and my nerves fill with anxiety. This is such a small thing in the big picture. I find it kinda odd that I can have so much anxiety over something like this when I have been thinking of the big picture almost non stop for the last seven months. It seams unfair to feel the way I do when my mother in-law is fighting for her life. No matter how I am feeling it is nice to hit my knees, talk with my Father in Heaven and know that my savior will carry the rest of my worry weight so that I will not be crushed by it's power.
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